Monday, June 7, 2010

Riding a bicycle on the beach at sunset.

This was one of those moments where everything was perfect. These perfect moments tip toe up to you . They shyly romance you.
I just breath deep and pretend that this was how every moment has been spent. I can imagine that my life is only a succession of fuzzy moment after fuzzy moment. A string of memories over flowing with the calm of well being. Everything fades away..I have never been cold or hungry or poor. I have never been alone I have never been sinking alone lost in the blackness of living . Where it feels like my chest is breaking and crumbing inside. No, I can never forget that slow ache of loss but at this moment it doesn’t matter and with every night like this one it will matter less and less.
The carnival lights were pulsating slowly in the near distance. Faint screams of enjoyment, the sound of wind whipping through young girls hair. I can feel them smiling the kind of smile you cant quit no matter how hard you try the kind of smile that makes your cheeks sore. Those bright golden lights red green gold. Blinking like sleepy eyes in the retiring sky. These fuzzy electric bulbs glowing like soft laughing eyes All of the machines were oiled with care to cradle these children tonight. They swing them around and around like your fathers strong arms swung you through the air so long ago.
The sound of seashells cracking under the black salty rubber of my bicycle tires. I can feel the slight resistance and then the release , giving in, cracking quietly. The muggy night was warm and heavy like a blanket from the dryer. Gliding through the dusk along the breaking waves. My skin speckled with tiny grains of sand at salt . The breeze turning into wind as I’m slicing through the heat of this summer night. There is nothing like the sound of the oceans waters crashing upon its self as happy tumbling children do. Nights like this I cannot separate myself from my surroundings. I cannot tell where I end and the night begins. Warm as a lovers breath on my bare neck. I am wrapped in it, so protected, so encased in this enchantment. I am hypnotized.. a young girl in love. I am being courted so slowly by this warm southern night. My troubles are being sung to sleep by the sounds around me. The sounds of endless expanses. The sound of happiness that doesn't end but just evolves. I am being swept across the powdery beach by the soft arms of June. My hair is tangling itself in the wind being lifted and coaxed by its smooth invisible fingers. Everything is buzzing around me so gently vibrating with possibilities. I can live like this forever. This is something that I wont let go of. Its not something to chase after it’s gone, it's something that sinks in deeply. It soaks in and infiltrates all of me. This moment this night this memory is my life. It is happiness.