"I Do(n't)"

Ive never given the idea of marriage much thought. That is until this year. These last few years most of my friends have gotten married. Everywhere I turned some wild eyed woman was flashing an engagement ring in my face. Last summer I almost went broke with all of the weddings I attended.
I started becoming a little threatened by all of the blushing brides in my presence. It made me question my relationship. Should I be thinking seriously about this? Should I be dreaming of white satin and french lace? I started watching alot of wedding shows. What started out as curious Internet searches of wedding gowns turned into a feverish obsession with planning my non existent wedding. Mermaid cuts and sweetheart necklines, color coordination , and cake flavors. I was out of control. I hinted to my boyfriend coyly at first and then turned to nagging."When are WE going to get marrrrrrriiiied????????????" After I had totally planned my fairy tale wedding in my mind and on bookmarked Internet page after Internet page, I finally came to the realization that I really don't care to get married at this point in my life. I'm just not ready. Its not that I think I have any wild oats to sew. (Believe me my oats have been sewn and matured and died already.) Its just that I don't feel the need to participate in what I feel is an outdated and unnecessary ritual. It is one thing to live with my boyfriend of many years but Ive learned over too many awkward holiday dinners that is quite another case to have no intention of wedding. Family and friends often become defensive and frustrated when you rob them of their hope to cry at your wedding someday. I really hate those moments. When everyone is sitting down to thanksgiving dinner and all the attention turns to me and my boyfriend. We exchange uncomfortable glances, shift in out seats, push food around our plates and mumble vague answers to appease the prying crowd. When it comes down to it, I'm happy with where I am at and hey if its not broken don't fix it.

much love,
Judas