I used to not be able to understand why people became addicted to drugs. I didn't get how people I knew could totally transform into these creatures who were filled with such constant desperation. How can someone I have known for my whole life all of a sudden within the course of a few months become a totally different person - a person who I don't know- a person who doesn't care about anything or anyone. How can someone not care that they are ruining everything that they have spent their whole lives trying to build. Relationships, job history, security, credit., trust. All gone.
I was overwhelmed by the loneliness of their world. why cant they just stop.
I think I'm starting to understand now, how doors keep closing around you and your self expectations start to dissolve. I never realized that they were running from things other than cops. Memories , guilt, disappointment, abuse, things that creep up on you things you want to push back down- deeper and deeper so you wont have to see it again.
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